Chapter 25




we'll take a break tonight.  I don't enjoy writing these things.  Were waiting till the housing dispute is over…then the RICA….go do something else tonight people.
ok….you convinced me.  I went to work.  Its my weekend.  A psychic hulk gave me a hug when I went throughout the locker room to retrieve my coats.  What else happened?  I was turned on by a woman at the store.  I just never hit on women because they are all against me.  She flirted with me.  And I didn't flirt with her.  I was to busy blasting music in my ears to not hear the rest of the store harassing me.  They used the loud speakers at me, their favorite condesending cowardly entertainment for themselves.  
The guy that can find me an occasional bag, late night snacked me a fiver of hash.  Stoked perfect thats what gets rid of my anxiety.  You should read the other chapter I wrote while high and didn't publish here, and luckily erased because I re read it..  I was the happiest camper.  He's fucked in the head to.  I can't play the shit talk game,  I'll do it here with some poignancy only out of desperation.  I think its any characters weakness.  There is a time and place to shit talk.  But If you are just trying to encourage behavior, go slap a baby.  So the people here have made it a drowning level and I don't care to play tired water and get out all over them.  So, I don't do it and only practice the retort In their stupid weak talk.   He plays the game that I'm not into.  He does things like bend your fork that is behind you in a community kitchen, while I'm on the skillet.  Why?  He does things like the rest of everyone else is involved with right now, why.   I've watched people change in a decade and a half.  An I will never be like their change.  As its an ultimate disaster.  I think that whispering shit talk makes people feel strong.  When they are avoiding a point.  They are avoiding the structure of a spoken sentences real power and recite scripted weakness in place of what could be spoken chances time.  And the thing is the more you practice speaking your own thought and not some scripted weakness the stronger you get at speaking.  But go on pretenders.  That is what your doing.  That is what you are building yourself for.  That is your pyramid scam that is crumbling.  I'm watching the greatest man made stupidness fall to the ground and never was inside of it.  What will be the next fad that has been in human evolutions time line.  Its just now people are fucking idiots.   Its now a gone chapter, granted the critic got to read it.  Don't bend my fork because you are stupid and swayed to the side of people that encouraged you to be like them.  Don't be like them.
Thats the issue critic.  The critic just said, "just rap."  My answer to the critic, Your condescending voyeuring has demanded rap of me for legitimately a decade and a half.  Go do something that is one of itself and then a half.  Time yourself.  Then go fuck yourself you shit head waste of my time.  Again, you made it not rap when you got to involve yourselves this way.  So I don't have that crazy poetry mind I enjoyed when I was piddling through college and it wasn't an army of idiots voyeuring me..  You are forcing a silly poem that has more influence to my life then yours,  who the fuck are you anyway?
I turned the tv to a sports channel.  Track and field.  The announcer is talking at me, so is the crowd.  Its why I can't watch sports anymore.  The Camera goes to the crowd.  My sister.  She makes a funny face.  She is doing well in her world.  She doesn't want to see me.  Maybe she wants another commercial.  give her another commercial.  I won't watch it.
I'm moving today.  I got the approval yesterday.  I need to get the key now.  I'll go the box car side of this miserable majestic far off wilderness.  I'll have a chili dog for breakfast.  I don't want help.  I don't want to put my things in a truck of people that have been "two faced."  I don't want help from people that have exiled me in rational communication.  I'm leaving now.  The longest I've lived anywhere.  And I wasn't allowed to talk to them because they were to busy holding hands and talking at my window.  I think I'll make a pioint if I make 35 bike rides today and move all my things by back pack and bicycle.  
Wow bicycle is so had to spell.  I am so glad for auto correct.  The auto correct fixes everything. Just Finnish this chapter auto correct.