No more love for me

            ‘How could this have happened?’ ‘What have I just done?’ ‘Please let this be a dream?’  Those were the thoughts that went through my head the night I lost my best friend. My head was spinning; my thoughts were a mixture of anger and sadness. I couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. We had been bowling, right? Then, I remembered piece by piece what had happened. ‘Did I really write that to her?’ I thought, ‘I couldn’t have meant what I said.’ My best friend had now become my worst enemy.

            My day began as a better than normal day. I was a pretty normal eighth grader and since it was a Saturday, I hadn’t planned on doing anything special. My dad had decided to take me to the Muncie mall and buy me a new pair of tennis shoes. As we were on our way back home, my best friend Molly had called me and invited me to go bowling with her and some other friends. Since my dad had already bought me a new pair of tennis shoes, I was hesitant to ask. I slowly brought the idea of the invitation to my father’s attention. After a couple groans, he said I was allowed to go. ‘My day is turning out better then usual’ I recalled. After a twenty-minute drive I was home, I began getting ready to go out with my friends. 

Molly and I have a long history. We met in 2nd grade when I moved to New Castle. My father received a new job with Chrysler, and a year later we moved.  I met Molly my first day riding the bus to elementary school. The sentence we used to meet each other would be a common topic when we introduced ourselves to new people.  We were inseparable as of that day on the bus. Molly and I did everything together. We ruled the elementary school, we always played at recess together, and we went to movies together. After grade school, when I progressed to middle school, there was Molly always by my side. We were closer then ever. Molly was a huge part of my life, and I always kept her close to my heart. She is one of those people who, no matter what has happened, their opinion will always matter. Molly, however, had never had a boyfriend and when she found someone she was compatible with she went for it.

His name was Dustin, and as soon as I met him I knew I would have to compete for Molly’s time. For a long time after they began their relationship I wasn’t able to hang out with Molly, and when we did make plans she would cancel or make up lies to not spend time with me. My self-esteem dropped while Molly was with Dustin. I didn’t have my right-hand man anymore. Molly’s attention was no longer all about me, the attention had transferred and I wasn’t ready for it. Even though we were fading I decided to still be there for Molly. Eighth grade relationships don’t last forever, we all know that. I stayed around listened to Molly when her and Dustin when they were having rough times, (as rough as a minor relationship could be) and when she didn’t have Dustin to hang out with, I was always there waiting. I was put on the back burner for quite a long time, however there was only one thing I asked of Molly.

Lying was one of those pet peeves of mine. No need to lie, tell the truth and I won’t be mad. I told her straight forward, “I would prefer that you tell me the truth and let me know when you want to go on a date with Dustin. It always hurts my feelings and I will be less mad if you tell me before hand.”

‘The bowling alley was her idea, and because it was her idea she wouldn’t have any reason to cancel’ I remembered while getting ready for the event, ‘In fact, she even told me she even invited other people. Everything will work out fine tonight, and I should have fun.’ I was so excited to spend time with everyone, including my best friend that nothing could take me off the kick I was on. As my dad drove me to the Rose Bowl, I couldn’t stop thinking how it would be just like old times. I arrived there right on time; everyone was accounted for, with the exception of two. Molly hadn’t arrived and neither had Dustin. Thinking they were just late I got ready like nothing was wrong. Shortly later I received a phone call. It was Molly, she had a fever of 102.1°, her mom said she wasn’t allowed to come. Feeling discouraged, I replied with, “I hope you feel better,” and “No, no, it’s really okay.” I was devastated our perfect plan, shattered. After ten minutes, I decided to look at the bright side, ‘No need to be upset. I’m here and I’m going to have a good time.’ It wasn’t until later that I realized Dustin had never shown either. This is when my some-what perfect mood started its downfall.

Trying to keep myself composed, I slowly made my way over to my friend J.P.. I reminded him of Dustin’s non-appearance. He nodded, and referred to him not showing as “unusual,” and “odd.” I kept a straight face as I asked him to call Dustin and find out where he was, and when he would be coming to the bowling alley. As J.P. dialed the numbers, I wanted to tell him to “stop,” and “just don’t worry about it,” but a part of me really did want to know. I saw him nod, say, “oh, okay,” and shake his head back and forth. I didn’t need an explanation after that. I began to cry so hard my whole body shook with pain. ‘How could she have done this to me again?’ ‘I’m her best friend.’ ‘She doesn’t realize what she’s doing.’ ‘She doesn’t even care how I feel,’ these were only a couple of thoughts that had run through my mind. My body suddenly changed from pain and sadness to hate and revenge. I ran to my closest friend and asked to use her phone. She replied with a simple nod of the head. I opened her phone and began to write the two text messages that now I have come to regret. Saying things like, ‘Why do you always think I won’t find out about you ditching me?’ ‘How could you not even tell me the truth? That’s all I ever wanted.’ And the last sentence that has haunted me ever since that date. ‘Molly, I really don’t think I can take this anymore, I don’t think we should be best friends anymore or even talk.’

That sentence could have changed the whole outcome of this event on my life. I wish I could say that as soon as I took back writing these texts, she forgave me and everything went back to normal. Unfortunately, however, I cannot say this because as soon as I took it back, she replied with ‘No, I think it was the right choice, Hannah.’

I always thought that the reason Molly never wanted to hang out with me before was because of Dustin. I learned in later years, however, that this was not the case. Molly was the kind of individual that as soon as she received a boy friend all and any of her friends were left in the dust. She had the personality that her boyfriend was her world, and no one else could be involved. All those years I had blamed Dustin for the reason Molly didn’t want to spend time with me, even though it was her.

Molly and I have become friends once again now. I recently went up to see her at Butler. In tenth grade her and Dustin broke up. In eleventh grade, however, she invited me to the movies. Shocked, I agreed and we went a week later. We kept talking topics to a minimum, and didn’t bring up anything to do with our middle school fight. This first encounter with Molly was quite awkward, but I wanted us to come to closure about of middle school fight.  We both kept our distance for a little longer; we started seeing movies whenever each of us had free time. We finally began talking about what happened around this Christmas break. She told me that her and Dustin’s relationship was always a mess, and she said she was ‘stupid’ for ever dating that ‘control freak.’ I told her that the situation changed me in the case that now instead of blurting out whatever comes to my mind, I think it through and second-guess myself about what to say. Molly and I are now friends, but I know we will never be as good of friends as we are. We both have our own lives and we’re, now, both content with them. I will always be there for Molly, and I’m sure she will always be there for me. Whether I need to stand back and wait for her to come to me, or whenever she needs a friend to lean on. I will always be there.




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